The first 50 years of my life was all about everything I couldn’t or wouldn’t do.

If someone would suggest I try something new, my reply would most often be,  I don’t do that. The reason behind the answer was rooted in fear, but I didn’t realize this at the time. I was afraid I’d fail. I was afraid I’d be scared. I was afraid I would embarrass myself. I was afraid the new food someone wanted me to try wouldn’t taste good. The list could go on and on.

I was a creature of habit. I did things the way I had always done them without even considering there might be a better way. I was close minded and had no idea I had even earned that label. I just thought I was risk averse and that was just who I was. There was no changing at this point in my life.

It’s hard to pinpoint the exact moment when I started to take some chances but it started after turning 50. In the  past decade, I have learned to embrace and enjoy public speaking, belly dancing and writing. All things I would have told you I couldn't or wouldn't do.

I also attended my first opera this year and will be listening to a symphony performance for the first time  in February. Each has opened my eyes to the possibilities this big, wide world has to offer as long as I no longer answered “I don’t do that”. There have been other things I’ve tried that were not so successful, such as, fasting for 24 hours and riding a roller coaster but nothing terrible happened and now I know with certainty these are things I don’t enjoy.

Once I tasted a bit of success, I found myself looking for other opportunities to dip my toe in the water. I’m now excited to see what else is out there that I might enjoy. This brings me to today. As we are about to embark on a new year, I’m ready for my next adventure. I know I want it to be something creative. I’ve always assumed I wasn’t creative. I have an analytical mind and am not good at drawing, painting, writing or crafts. I’m not only bad at these things but I don’t enjoy them. It’s hard to enjoy something you don’t excel in.

In 2022, one of the greatest gifts I’ve received was learning I was wrong. I am creative. It turns out I have a new found passion for writing.

I’m just a beginner so I know I have a lot to learn, but I look forward to the process and now schedule writing time into my daily calendar. I’m still stunned and amazed by it. I’m also in the process of opening an online store, A Sprinkle of Hearts, selling heart themed items. It’s a creative endeavor and one I would never have thought possible. I have unleashed my creative side and I'm anxious to see what else I can do. So the question is, now what?

I’ve always wanted to learn to play the piano so I’ve been considering this as an option but don’t want to commit to something I don’t have the time or energy to see through. Until yesterday, the piano was looking like a winner. I would learn to play piano in 2023.

A two minute conversation with a friend and a split decision on my part changed everything.

My friend Betsy is a knitter. Over the years, I’ve watched her knit sweaters, scarves and hats while in a meeting or on a zoom call. Any time she told me about her knitting projects or stories of other knitters, I politely listened but not only couldn’t relate but didn’t understand. I could not comprehend how anyone would find this enjoyable unless your life was over and you were relegated to a rocking chair on your porch to live out the rest of your days.

Yesterday, I was sharing with her a story from Michelle Obama’s latest book about knitting. She knew all about it and she asked: “Do you want to learn to knit?” I paused and didn’t answer as I would have in the past with my typical, “No, I don’t knit.” Maybe I did want to learn. I had found Michelle’s comments interesting. Through her eyes, I saw knitting differently than I had in the past. I answered Betsy with a timid “maybe”. That’s all Betsy needed to hear.

An hour later, she was at my kitchen table with a big bag containing different size knitting needles and yarn. She explained the basics, showed me a knitting stitch (is it even called a stitch?) and praised me for how quickly I was picking it up. She felt I was ready to move onto the purl stitch and told me this was all I needed to get started. She left me with the needles and yarn and told me to practice. 

With a Hallmark Christmas movie on the television, I began knitting and purling on my own.

I soon realized that I had done something wrong but had been able to keep going. I called Betsy and she assured me that it happens all the time and she could easily show me how to fix it. Again, she told me to continue and reminded me it was just practice. I realized I needed to drop my perfectionist mentality. I was doing this for the very first time, why would I expect to know what I was doing?

I only listened to the movie since I had to keep both eyes staring at the needles and yarn. I relaxed and realized I was actually enjoying myself. I was focused on nothing other than my knitting project. I wasn’t thinking about my worries or to-do list, only whether I was supposed to be knitting or purling. The movie ended but I wanted to continue knitting. When I could barely keep my eyes open, I finally put the needles down.

I surprised myself this morning when the first thought I had was trying to figure out when I had time in my schedule to knit again today.

I told myself that I’d better just try it for a minute to make sure I hadn’t forgotten what to do. I limited myself to a row of knitting and a row of purling before beginning my day. It was time for me to commit and let Betsy know that I was loving it and wanted to really give it a try. Once I said it out loud, Betsy would make it happen and happen quickly.

As I get ready to embark on 2023 with my first knitting project (scarf for my husband), I feel energized and hopeful. It wasn’t until I began to open my mind and my heart, did I truly begin to live.

Regardless of your circumstances, there is always something new to learn and try. It doesn’t need to cost money or take up too much time. You make the rules.

By taking the first small step, you will begin to change your life.

Until next time,

Debbie