Do you have an alter ego?

Sometimes I think that I am actually two different people housed in one body.

The majority of the time I am the adult version of Debbie. My mind is always racing, darting back and forth between all my responsibilities. I’m thinking about my kids, husband, employees, dog, friends, bills and grocery shopping just to name a few. 

I used to be, or at least I thought I was a good multi-tasker, jumping in to put out whichever fire needed my immediate attention. At the end of each day, when my head hit the pillow, it was hard to turn off those thoughts as I attempted to drift off to sleep. I was always worrying about something or reviewing my to-do list for the next day.

As I grew older and added more to my plate, the adult version of me was the one who always showed up, forgetting about the other Debbie. The other Debbie possessed a child-like wonder. She LOVED hearts, laughter, ice cream, rainbow sprinkles, her birthday and Mickey Mouse. The two versions did not resemble each other in the least.

For many years I had forgotten that there was another side to me other than Miss Responsible Debbie. Fun Debbie became lost and I had even forgotten she existed. Six years ago, I went on a girls’ trip for my birthday to my favorite place on earth, Disney World. On our first day there,as the monorail approached the entrance to the Magic Kingdom tears sprang from my eyes.

They were tears of both joy and sadness.

Joy because I was about to step foot into my favorite real life Fantasyland. Tears of sadness because I realized I had lost Fun Debbie. I had allowed an important, large part of my personality to remain dormant for years. I had let life’s circumstances take away the things that gave me joy. In my adult world, there was no time for sprinkles and hearts, only stress and worry.

If you visit a Disney park on your birthday, they give you a birthday pin and all day and night , people are wishing you a happy birthday. It’s amazing! If I’m being honest, I wore that pin every day of our trip, not just on my birthday. They even sell birthday Mickey ears, which I bought and of course, had my name embroidered on the back. I took a picture with Mickey and made sure to have ice cream with rainbow sprinkles for dessert. My friends kept laughing, telling me I was nuts but enjoyed watching me transform into a 10 year-old girl.

I never wanted the trip to end. I wished I could move into Cinderella’s castle and live happily ever after.

On the way home, my laugh faded and my mind began to jump back on that hamster worry wheel. As I looked out the window of the plane I realized that it didn’t need to be all or nothing. As a matter of fact, it shouldn’t be all or nothing.

Even though I was returning home and stepping back into my adult version, I was still capable of being Fun Debbie. On that monorail, the unexpected emotion told a story that I had been ignoring. Nothing should ever allow you to lose a part of yourself that brings you joy and happiness. In fact, in order to deal with all the stress and responsibility that often comes with adulthood, it’s necessary to make it a point to let loose and let your younger self do the driving.

I still do need to remind myself to be Fun Debbie when she hasn't hasn’t been around for a while. I have to make a conscious decision to step away and stop adulting long enough to relax, laugh and have some fun! It’s always worth the effort!

Until next time,
Debbie